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Instead of writing, I decided to do a video post instead!

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Popularity: 2% [?]

Bump It!

I did it. I got a Bump It. Well technically my friend Grace got the Bump It for me because she knew I wanted to try it out.

For those that aren’t familiar with Bump It’s, here is a clip from the Ellen show with Jenna Fischer (Pam from the Office) that shows the infomercial:

Grace mentioned that it was at WalGreens. For some reason it wasn’t at my neighborhood WalGreens but she saw them at the one near her and voila. I now have a Bump It! Really, I have 3 Bump Its. On the website it looks like the offer a lot more, but the Walgreens one was 11 dollars and came with a large sized bump it, medium, and a little dinky one I think is supposed to be used for bangs or something.

For a pre-Pride kick off party last night I figured I should go ahead and give the Bump It a shot.

I saw in the step by step instructions that there was an option to use TWO Bump Its! Of course I went for it. Unfortunately, I was in a rush and it didn’t turn out as awesome as it could have been. However, if done right, Bump Its do exactly what they say they will do and it works very well.

One word of warning though: I have jet black hair and it’s also very thick. I think that’s why it turned okay… those with thinner hair or light hair might have to gather more than the recommended amount and tease it a bit more to cover up the ‘teeth’ on the Bump Its.

It’s hard to see it in photos since I have black hair but here they are anyway. Friends said my hair looked like a wig! Haha. I felt like a mix of Elvira, Peg Bundy and Amy Winehouse. Not sure it’s a look I’d wear day to day but I’d certainly break it out again for costume reasons! Perhaps I should try the mini-Bump It for the bangs next…I honestly can’t believe I even tried it in the first place! Hahaha.

In other news, I’m still bitter about my womanly parts. Mostly up top. Let me tell you something to those women that may desire larger breasts: don’t. If you really enjoy, like or love cute clothes, DON’T DESIRE LARGER BREASTS.

I saw some ridiculously cute clothing at a local store the other day and after trying on 15 or so pieces I bought zero of them. ZERO. They fit, sort of. On my waist it would be fine, then on my boobs it’d be SUPER tight and/or not enough cloth to cover them enough and be considered appropriate. I then tried Large instead of Medium and then the top would fit but not the bottom… it looked like I was wearing a trash bag the stuff was so baggy on the bottom! Which is a little weird since I have a large dooky booty too, but whatever. Dresses are flowy I guess. Still, don’t ever be jealous or desire large breasts if you like cute clothes because you’ll NEVER BE ABLE TO BUY ANY!

That and once I’m 40 these babies are going to be sagging and when I’m 60 they’ll be draggin.

Today out of desperation for clothing that might fit me, I was browsing eBay. I happened to spot this dress:

God, I want that dress SO BAD! It’s so FREAKIN CUTE! But it only fits up to a 33″ bust size (not band size which is the size under the chest, but bust, which is the largest part of the chest all the way around). I have a 39″ bust I’m about to chop off my boobs because they are keeping me from buying clothing that I want.

I know I complain about this a lot. But it’s difficult having seemingly unique measurements and not enough money to get a tailor to custom fit all my clothing.

Hmph!

Popularity: 11% [?]

Girl Boner, CRUSHED!

I don’t have a lot of celebrity crushes. I don’t have anyone I could list as my “fav”. In fact I can’t really think of too many men in Hollywood that I find attractive, period. Mostly because I have to really know someone to find them attractive. However, Ryan Reynolds was one of the few that I could admit is attractive. But then this happened:

Must Video Game: “I don’t really play video games. Is there a way to waste more f—ing time? The Internet’s enough. The last video game I played was Ms. Pacman.” Source: [NYPost]

Apparently if you don’t play video games, you become unattractive to me, because any potential girl boner I had over him has been permanently crushed. On twitter, a friend asked: “Let me get this straight, say you were granted free time with Ryan Reynolds… you would want to play video games??”

We certainly wouldn’t have to play games together, but the fact that he straight up dissed them? Sorry. I would never touch him because of that. It is a prerequisite for a guy if I’m going to be interested in him. Even if it’s just bonin.

Which is not to say that Ryan Reynolds would give a shit if I’m attracted to him or not, come on, he has Scarlett Johansson. But it helped me realize that to me, it doesn’t matter how good looking a man is, if you don’t game you have no game with me, son.

Also, in that photo his body is a little too chiseled for my taste. But that’s a whole other topic I won’t bother getting in to.

I think what this really revealed is my fear of my boyfriend ever leaving me. If he ever leaves me, I am completely screwed.

There are some good men out there. Trust me ladies, they exist, but there are very few. But who will ever match my exact list of perfection?

Good looking, tall, plays games (although maybe not as hardcore, he did choose to buy a PS3 for the blu-ray player but hey, whatever, close enough ), has great taste in movies, great taste in music (especially the love for good hip hip, ugh, that always get me!), is funny, attentive, caring, kind, has his shit together, can toss me around like a rag doll, is talented in the sack, AND gives me the strongest orgasms I’ve ever had in my LIFE?!?! I mean, really, what the hell am I supposed to do if he ever leaves?!

He better not leave me. Or else I’m going to die an old maid.

And now, some really hilarious Porno Parady covers. There’s more over at Topless Robot, but these were my favorites:

Popularity: 23% [?]

FYI: Password Protected Posts.

You may have noticed some past entries are password protected. They are not new entries, they are simply the past entries about the “adult” related topics, mostly with humourous undertones.

If you ever want to read a password protected post that has been posted or ones that may be posted in the future, the password will be “XXX”.

These posts are of course for 18+ and may not be work safe due to the written content.

“And if you don’t know, now you know…”

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Notorious B.I.G. – Juicy

Popularity: 22% [?]

Hot Links.

Big Lebowski Painting
You can’t tell me that poster isn’t amazing. I kind of want it for my bathroom. “The toilet seat’s up, man!”

Star Wars Father Day Card
The awesome Father’s Day card comes with 2 figures: Vader and Luke. AMAZING. Makes me wish I were male so I could give it to my Dad. [via Topless Robot]

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, now with MORE Zombies
30% more zombies, even. Oh snap. [via Topless Robot]

And finally a video. It’s not painfully hilarious by any means, but I did giggle [via Amanda's twitter]. I almost liked that song in the background “I Like to F*ck”, but it would be way better without that weak R&B Singer and Tila Tequila. I mean, Tila Tequila? Really? It was almost so awesome with the 2 Live Crew reference and all, but ugh. It should have been right up my alley.

According to my  boyfriend I’m really in to over the top “f*ck songs”. I can’t deny that. I just sang Khia “My Neck, My Back” last night for karaoke. Should of wore whore make-up for it though…

Popularity: 25% [?]